A HEART PREPARED

There is a time for everything,
    and everything on earth has its special season.

There is a time to be born
    and a time to die.
There is a time to plant
    and a time to pull up plants.

There is a time to kill
    and a time to heal.
There is a time to destroy
    and a time to build.

There is a time to cry
    and a time to laugh.
There is a time to be sad
    and a time to dance.

There is a time to throw away stones
    and a time to gather them.
There is a time to hug
    and a time not to hug.

There is a time to look for something
    and a time to stop looking for it.
There is a time to keep things
    and a time to throw things away.

There is a time to tear apart
    and a time to sew together.
There is a time to be silent
    and a time to speak.

There is a time to love
    and a time to hate.
There is a time for war
    and a time for peace.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I was thinking today of how blessed we are when our hearts are given time to prepare for the next season:

* When leaves turn color and begin to fall, and we prepare for the coming cold.

* When we learn of new life amd we begin to prepare space and clothing and other essentials.

* When children grow and approach graduation and you spend the months preparing to see them off

I love the Bible stories of Zechariah, father of John the Baptist, and of Mary, mother of Jesus. For Zechariah's doubt, he was smitten mute until his son was born. For Mary's obedience, she was given a spirit of peace to "ponder these things in her heart." In each case, a time of preparation was given.

But what about the news you could never imagine and were not prepared to absorb?

* The sickness is terminal.

* Your job is suddenly terminated.

* Your loved one was in an accident.

* You've invested in a one-sided relationship.

* You've lost everything to a natural disaster.

I had one of those shocking moments today. It's a relationship I have literally invested in for my entire life. I recently accrued some credit card debt to travel across the country to invest in this one relationship. 

Knowing it may be my last chance to do anything meaningful or significant, I agreed to work the overtime required to miss two shifts. During my visit, I gave praise where it was due, encouragement where it was needed, and dignity where it was called for. 

And all that mattered to them was 2 minutes of someone else's time. As in, not mine.

For all of our differences, we are all just asking to matter. Some would ask to matter to one special person, while others would prefer honor on a grander scale. Regardless of the number of people one wants to impact, the desire is the same: to feel loved and valued. To matter at all.

Disappointment is a double-edged sword. It cuts equally as deep to be disappointed by someone as it does to be a disappointment to another. The difference is that you can live guarded against being disppointed; but when you pour yourself into giving and doing and think jumping one more hoop will be enough, nothing prepares you for one more letdown. I have found that rather than becoming accustomed to the feeling, it just stings a little more each time.

Alas, how beautiful to remember the story of the lost sheep. Jesus spoke of a shepherd who left 99 sheep safe in the fold to go find the one that was lost. And my head knows the lesson: He cares as much about what I have to offer as He does about the Billy Grahams or Mother Theresas of the world. The King of Heaven pursues relationship with me daily with messages of love and instruction on repeat. But my heart - oh, to get that knowledge to settle deep in my heart!

And so I learn the importance of a heart prepared: prepared to both give and receive love; to expand and stretch; and sometimes, to break and be re-shapen. 

A heart prepared to absorb disappointment and pour out compassion. 

A heart prepared to turn my grief into His glory - one that makes less of me and more of Him. 

And slowly and ever-so-gently, the love of a King makes me feel like a Princess. And my heart is prepared to sing.

"You're a good, good Father..."

OH THE HUMANITY!

Life is full of humbling moments, and I seem to be "enjoying" my share these days. You know, the ones where you call someone out for a mistake and then make the same mistake the next day? About that.

I am ever learning to keep my words sweet, lest I need to eat them later. The challenge lies in calling out the best in others without coming across as though I, myself, am perfect. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Proverbs 27:17 reads, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." As much as I want to be the iron that sharpens others, sometimes I, too, must be sharpened. And that's humbling. I learn best from those sharpening experiences which leave me feel as though someone has imparted wisdom to me - not the ones where I leave feeling embarrassed or like I just screwed up one more thing.

And I'm learning. I'm learning that it's OK to be on both sides of the sharpening tool. I'm learning to be careful with hearts. I'm learning the power of words - something we start learning at a very young age, but don't fully understand until many years later. I'm learning the value of friends who call out the best in me and invest in me.

Another verse that comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 10:12, which says, "If you think you are strong, you should be careful not to fall." I picture a runner falling on the track, or a bodybuilder suddenly dropping the weights previously lifted so easily. Can you imagine how humiliated they might feel? How important it would be in such a moment to have members of your community who can say, "I've been there!" - and mean it!

Last week, I wrote here about my disappointment with the support my daughter received/didn't receive. And within days, I learned that I had failed to support a dear friend through a very hard chapter. Sure, I noticed her absence in our usual circles - but when I asked, I was told she was investing some time in relaxation and yard care. And I assumed she had chosen another circle on Sundays. There's that word "assume" again ...

The truth is, she lives less than a 5 minute drive from my home. The truth is, I should have knocked on her door and asked her directly where she'd been. The truth is, I need to be better at sending text messages instead of using my phone for social media. The truth is, I am now on the other side of the sharpening knife. And it stings a little.

So I continue learning. I'm learning the true definition of grace. I'm learning that grace must be given before it can be received. Last week, I rebuked the spirit of bitterness, knowing that I may well be the next person to let my community down. This week, I am so grateful that grace is like the water in a decorative fountain: it is continuously drawn up and poured out again.

To all of my "sharpening" friends: Thank you! Thank you for grace, and for seeing the shine underneath my rough exterior. You are treasures, buried deep in my heart.

Blessings to each of you today.