A TALE OF TWO TREES

While standing outside on a mild winter's day, I noticed something unusual. From my vantage point on our deck, I could see two trees. Though they are the same species, and they

appear to be roughly the same age, the two trees look very different from each other.

The tree across the street stands in a wide open space; it looks like this:

Meanwhile, the tree at the corner of my house looks like this:

(Excuse the discoloration; technological glitch of some sort.) *smile*

My first thought was to ponder how the tree across the street had made it into January with all its leaves intact. We live in a prairie province, where the snow arrived months ago. Hoar frost has also been here and gone several times. Still, the leaves on the tree across the street are as plentiful as they were in the blazing heat of August.

Meanwhile, the tree which overhangs the corner of my home is nearly naked. Part of a row of trees bordering our property line, this tree also shelters our garden shed. I was confused as to why the tree standing alone and open would fare best.

When I questioned my husband regarding what made the difference in the two trees, he responded with an uncertain question. "I dunno...the wind, maybe?"

The wind? These trees stand not more than 500 yards apart. They would be subject to the exact same weather conditions. Determined to find a satisfactory answer, I looked a few minutes longer. I soon realized my husband had been correct: it had everything to do with the wind!

Our region has two predominant winds: North and West. In this particular case, the damage - or lack thereof - is directly relates to the North winds. You see, the North side of the tree at the corner of our home faces our backyard, an alley, and a schoolyard. Meanwhile, directly North of the tree across the street is another residential property, bordered entirely by more trees - appropriately named a "wind row" in this part of the country. 

In an instant, I knew that I was the object of a gloriously illustrated life lesson. 

Those who face the winds of adversity alone endure the most damage. 

Observe those in your circle of influence. Think of three or more acquaintances who have endured the same storm: a miscarriage, a divorce, or the loss of a young child, perhaps. Maybe you know a group of people who were victims of job loss or who lost their homes to a natural disaster. 

How have they weathered the storm? Would you say the damage in each case was equal? I would venture to guess that some are more bitter than others. Some lost more sleep to worry, and it shows in their faces. 

Others prayed more, and surrounded themselves with friends to weather the storm. They sought out prayer partners and coffee dates to serve as their windbreak. As a result, they seem more "together." Isaiah 55:12 tells us that "...all the trees of the field will clap their hands." A person who has weathered storms well will have their praise - or their "leaves" - intact. 

Find your people. Take a risk, and open your heart to trust. Build a "wind row" around your heart, instead of a wall. Ensure that you won't be left stripped and unsightly when the winds of life blow cold.

To all who have ever been a part of my windbreak...thank you. I hope my life is a glorious reflection of love on display.

OH THE HUMANITY!

Life is full of humbling moments, and I seem to be "enjoying" my share these days. You know, the ones where you call someone out for a mistake and then make the same mistake the next day? About that.

I am ever learning to keep my words sweet, lest I need to eat them later. The challenge lies in calling out the best in others without coming across as though I, myself, am perfect. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Proverbs 27:17 reads, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." As much as I want to be the iron that sharpens others, sometimes I, too, must be sharpened. And that's humbling. I learn best from those sharpening experiences which leave me feel as though someone has imparted wisdom to me - not the ones where I leave feeling embarrassed or like I just screwed up one more thing.

And I'm learning. I'm learning that it's OK to be on both sides of the sharpening tool. I'm learning to be careful with hearts. I'm learning the power of words - something we start learning at a very young age, but don't fully understand until many years later. I'm learning the value of friends who call out the best in me and invest in me.

Another verse that comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 10:12, which says, "If you think you are strong, you should be careful not to fall." I picture a runner falling on the track, or a bodybuilder suddenly dropping the weights previously lifted so easily. Can you imagine how humiliated they might feel? How important it would be in such a moment to have members of your community who can say, "I've been there!" - and mean it!

Last week, I wrote here about my disappointment with the support my daughter received/didn't receive. And within days, I learned that I had failed to support a dear friend through a very hard chapter. Sure, I noticed her absence in our usual circles - but when I asked, I was told she was investing some time in relaxation and yard care. And I assumed she had chosen another circle on Sundays. There's that word "assume" again ...

The truth is, she lives less than a 5 minute drive from my home. The truth is, I should have knocked on her door and asked her directly where she'd been. The truth is, I need to be better at sending text messages instead of using my phone for social media. The truth is, I am now on the other side of the sharpening knife. And it stings a little.

So I continue learning. I'm learning the true definition of grace. I'm learning that grace must be given before it can be received. Last week, I rebuked the spirit of bitterness, knowing that I may well be the next person to let my community down. This week, I am so grateful that grace is like the water in a decorative fountain: it is continuously drawn up and poured out again.

To all of my "sharpening" friends: Thank you! Thank you for grace, and for seeing the shine underneath my rough exterior. You are treasures, buried deep in my heart.

Blessings to each of you today.

"I Have Nobody!"

Our youngest child has been described by his siblings as "spoiled", due largely in part to the age difference of 12 years between himself and the next youngest. I suppose the loss of his sister to adoption has played a tremendous role as well; we have learned the value of every moment together. So it is that I often find myself in my "baby" boy's room at night.

Bedtime is for reading, tickling, talking about his day and sometimes singing. It's for shadow puppets and knock-knock jokes and lots and lots of cuddles. It's for building pillow-and-blanket forts and for strip-dancing and for wrestling with the puppy. Bedtime is for anything except sleep ... until it's time for sleep. When my skin is soaked with sweat from the little person seemingly Velcro'd to me, I sneak out for one last cup of coffee and some reading before sneaking quietly to my own bed.

"Momma!" came the cry, in the middle of the night.

"What?!" I responded, haggard from a particularly challenging day.

Silence. Then muffled cries.

Haphazardly falling out of bed, I grabbed my favorite body pillow for the trip. I shuffled through the hallway to his bedroom, and was shocked to hear how distressed my boy actually was. "What do you need?" I asked him.

"Momma," he sobbed, "I have no one!"

Ouch. I could physically feel my heart breaking. "Yes, you do, buddy - you have me! I'm here."

And for the first time in all my life I understood how Scripture could compare God to a mother. How many times have we tearfully screamed "I have nobody!" even as He came to comfort us? There is never a time I will abandon my boy - though he is truly no longer a baby. How much more, then, does God long to shelter us in His heart, protected under His loving arms?

You are never alone. You are seen, known, and beloved of God. And if you need a "Jesus with skin on", you've got me. Let's sip a coffee together ... even if only virtually. Prayers that are whispered on Earth still echo in Heaven. Leave your name in the comments if you need me to send up a whisper for you today. <3

Conflict & Me

I have never handled conflict well. I have been known to handle conflict with tears, self-defense, lashing out, or shutdown mode. My favourite technique, though, has been avoidance. I would rather not talk to you than fight with you.

I cannot identify for certain when this preference was established or what caused it. Perhaps it stems from having a number of people in my life who were physically violent when they were angry; who wants to confront these people about anything, ever?! I can only say that I noticed the pattern several years ago, during yet another family blowout. Social media accounts were disconnected, communication severed, and some strange version of peace prevailed. The problem is that nothing was actually resolved.

On a professional level, it has always been fairly easy to avoid conflict. My line of work is great for staying at a desk all day, popping in earphones if required for sanity, and sticking to the task at hand. Still, I requested training in conflict resolution, as I knew this to be an advantageous skill on all levels of life.

I have yet to receive any training in this area. What I have received are numerous opportunities to practice. Most often, I have stuck to what I know: avoidance and disassociation; however, my heartfelt goal to establish and preserve relationships demands more of me.

I have been working my way through an independent study of  Danny Silk's book, "Keep Your Love On". I started this weeks chapter last night, and was thrilled to discover it's about conflict! Finally: some sound, Scriptural teaching on this subject!

The timing could not be more profound. We are discussing a possible visit to the East coast for the first time in 5 years, and I am riddled with anxiety over this. An estranged community member with whom I was once close has seemingly extended an olive leaf. Professionally, I have reached a point where either the atmosphere will change, or the environment will change. With the physical effects on my health recently, I know it is time for me to make changes.

In speaking with a friend this morning, I was surprised to hear the following revelation come out of my own mouth: You can't pass the test if you never write the test. I won't just wake up one day feeling confident that I can handle conflict now: I first have to walk through a successful conflict resolution. So it is, that as much as I dread the thought of it, I am determined to finally tackle a situation head on. Maybe even two or three ... but let's not get hasty in committing to more than one just yet. 😁

And now it makes sense that the word impressed upon me so heavily for this year was "DEFINED". It is so easy to let circumstances, history, or other people's opinions define us! I refuse to believe that every relationship in my life is temporary, and will fall apart at the first sign of disagreement. I refuse to believe that I will never be more than my biggest mistakes: I already am more than these. I refuse to accept one person's negative opinion of me as fact ... especially if their opinion of everyone else is negative, too.

Effective immediately, I'm making the change. I will be defined by the lessons learned, rather than the mistakes made. I will be defined by God's vision of me, rather than people -- after all, He made me and knows me more intimately than they. I will not be defined by any single moment - my best or my worst - but by each step I take toward being the best version of me.

Effective immediately, I will practice what I have preached to my children for several years: Know who - and Whose -  you are, and walk in it. You'll hear me coming; I'll be singing along with the Gaither Vocal Band:

On the authority of the Holy Book, I rise up and take my stand;
I'm a blood-bought child of the risen King Who is the great I-AM.
I'm an heir to all that Heaven holds, and no principality
Can ever take away my royal crown, given on His authority.

I will walk the hard roads. I will pursue deeper relationships. I will achieve a healthier state of mind. I will live this life!