"Never Unfriended" - It's As Great As It Sounds!

It was a simple comment on a devotional, typed from my desk at the office. I truly didn't think I even had a chance of being selected for the Book Launch Team... but I felt impressed to share my heart on the subject of community. That's the funny thing about women: we often get used to rejection, but are somehow determined to conquer it.

The Book Launch invitation came with a digital sample of Lisa-Jo Baker's book, Never Unfriended. I had read no further than the first paragraph of the introduction before I was hooked! When I read the following quote, I knew this book would be one of those rare, life-changing reads:

"We want to matter to the people we think matter."

 

I had spent my entire life trying to matter:

• To my father, who always chose my sister when each parent took one sibling
• To the one schoolteacher who understood the depths of my sorrow after my grandfather passed, but excluded me from attending her wedding
• To the cousin who took my only sibling for a one-on-one drive when he got his driver's license
• To the boy who called me "Darling", but didn't respect my moral boundaries
• To the man I first chose as my husband and father to my children, who beat me mercilessly while pursuing other women
• To my step-daughter, whose attachment issues magnified my own inadequacies
• To anyone. Anyone at all.

 

Never Unfriended unfolded like the pages of an old journal. It spoke of friendship PTSD, of the fear of being and/or welcoming the new girl, and of unresolved conflict. My life was nothing if not a series of all of the above! The sting of rejection and fear of conflict had led me to abandon a number of relationships to avoid more of either. This book is a manual for people who, like me, have grown tired of trying.

 

If you think you are alone in your friendship frustrations, please read Never Unfriended. Rays of hope shine from every page as Lisa-Jo Baker shares both her wounds and steps to healing. Tears will fall and spirits will rise as you read a book that ministers so deeply to the heart that it is impossible to put down. Never Unfriended has traveled with me to the lunchroom, to the bathroom, and to a hotel room. It will continue to travel in my heart.

I am so grateful to have been chosen as part of the Book Launch Team for Never Unfriended! I have been blessed by the fellow Team members, who shared stories, graphics and prayers. Authors like Lisa-Jo Baker, who come alive on the page and seem to sip your coffee with you as you read, are rare treasures. I see every woman through new eyes: I understand now that the challenge is the same for all of us - it is merely our reactions that differ.

 

Near the beginning, the author writes, "No one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman." The remaining pages are a road map to this eloquent statement near the end of the book: "Our business is to believe the best about people. We are not their judge, their jury, and we are certainly not their god. We are intended to be their blessing. On purpose."

 

My heart's desire is still to matter - but not to the people I think matter. I want to matter because I have made the world a warmer place with friendship offered freely.

 

 





RESCUED BY A LIFE GROUP

It has only been about 2 weeks since I shared about feeling disconnected. How good God is to hear my heart's cry! His answer came in the form of Life Groups; let me explain.

Our precious pastors have felt impressed to start Life Groups within our church. This involves a daily Bible reading, and a bi-weekly meeting to talk about what you're learning. Although this sounds boring to some, it is actually very cool to hear a variety of interpretations based on the same reading! Our group started off with a potluck evening, where kids were welcome to attend; my little guy had a great time!

I am thrilled about this because it accomplishes a number of things for me. First, it inspires me to read my Bible in a dedicated manner. (I confess I have been terrible at this on my own! I started a one-year reading plan almost 3 years ago; I am only a little more than half done!) Second, this group allows me to connect regularly with people outside of my home. It is a way of getting to know people I would otherwise see only once a week or in passing on the highway. Connecting on a regular basis ensures none of us feel alone, and all are encouraged.

I wish I had been introduced to this concept in my younger years! I have placed a number of complaints over cliques in the church community, but I see now that is not entirely accurate. It is my hope that our group becomes tightly knit; that does not mean we will ignore or mistreat other congregation members each Sunday! It simply means we will form safe places for each other, and make sure nobody is left behind.

By the way ... you do not need to be a member of our church to attend the groups. So if any of my local friends are reading this and would like to hang out with a group of crazy people for coffee on a Friday night ... I know a few. ;-)

A WORTHY CAUSE

I was cutting before it had a name. At 15 years of age, I had a special razor in my dresser drawer I would pull out at the end of the hard days. I always cut my inner thighs, because I knew nobody would see or question me about it. It's frightening to think about now, knowing what I know about the femoral artery! I really had no idea what I was experiencing had a name: depression.

Years passed and I had long stopped cutting. I was the mother of a toddler and an infant son. I had prayed every day of that second pregnancy for a boy, yet I couldn't enjoy him. When I looked at my baby, I remember thinking that I must be the world's worst mother because I truly didn't think my baby was cute. His face was fat and looked lopsided from the haircut in the NICU; his bum looked square when he tried to crawl, and he refused to be held unless he was nursing.

I had only been married 2 years, and was already living with domestic violence. A well-meaning mentor came to our home to speak into our marriage, and pointed out that I was moody and could be challenging to live with. I remember thinking, "He clearly doesn't understand." The rest of the marriage counseling was lost on me; I cried for days over that single sentence. I had no idea that what I was experiencing had a name: post-partum depression and severe anxiety.

My metaphorical house of cards fell after the divorce, after I learned my daughter had been abused, after I took on two step-children ... and lost one. Then and only then did I find myself in weekly counseling sessions, diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and anger issues. I remember asking my counselor why my hands shook so badly that I spilled coffee all over her chair every week for several months. She said it was my fight-or-flight response, and it indicated how much work we had to do.

Today, I am grateful to be alive. I found that razor in my dresser drawer about 5 years ago, and finally threw it away. My well-meaning friend was one of my biggest advocates when the domestic violence was revealed. I have ceased taking anxiety medications, and most days I find life manageable or treatable with uplifting music.

Today is Bell Let's Talk Day. Most people don't know my story; I was never healed enough to tell it. But I'm ready now. Because mental health issues have a cause. Left untreated, mental illnesses create victims. But mental illness is as treatable as the common cold. It may be more permanent, but you are never alone and you are never unloved. Please talk to someone you trust, a professional, or both. I wonder how different my life would look if I had picked up a phone instead of a razor all those years ago.

To my friends who support Bell Let's Talk Day ... thank you! I cried happy tears today when a friend sent every text message one word at a time, racking up the nickels for mental health support. Together, we can end the stigma. And we will. 💝