PEACE BE STILL

Today has been one of those days. You know the ones: where the date on the calendar tells you it will be a struggle. Where emotions run high and patience runs low.

On this day in 1999, a baby girl was born. Through some display of grace I could never have earned, I became a second home to her and her brother. No sweeter sound was ever heard than the word "Mommy" from a child; perhaps even more true when they weren't originally your assignment in life. 

After 6 years together, Baby Girl was forcefully separated from our home. For the 4 years that followed, I wept and prayed and loved like mad. I attended therapy and made visits together special and sent her to her 3rd mother figure's home with physical reminders of her family and how much she meant to us. And in the end, it was still the end.

Fast forward 12 years. My Dad was placed in a nursing home 10 days ago. My mother neglected to tell his only sister. Just as I'm fuming about the level of ignorance, my mother messages to say she's puking in the bushes outside the nursing home because she knows Dad is inside crying. And today, my baby girl is turning 19 and planning for her graduation prom in the spring. Add last night's discovery that the relationship I have been rebuilding for 8 months has been a one-sided effort.

Lord, please walk through this day with me. I am going to need Your strength today. And wisdom, Father. Please show me when to stand firm and when to give grace. I have the distinct feeling that small things could otherwise become battlegrounds today. 

Thank You, Father. For knowing my heart. And for loving me, even through the lessons You are teaching me.

Dare I admit that I'm scared? Frightened, actually, by all the unknowns of the future.

My Dad is pretty determined to die by the time he's 70. His 69th birthday is only a month away. What if I never see him again? Have I said everything? What will I regret? And why does the time before the inevitable ending not feel like a gift?

Baby Girl is 19; high school graduation is all that stands between her and freedom. Will she come to us, even if only for a visit? What do we say? How do we counter all the lies we know she's been told? On the other hand...what if she doesn't come or call? What if the damage to our family is permanent?

Thank You, Heavenly Father, that You are Lord of the unknown. Your thoughts and Your ways are a mystery to me - but I trust Your heart. I choose to believe that the plans You have for me are good.

What was it the minister spoke on Sunday? "Peace is active," he had said. And suddenly, the words "Peace be still" had taken on new meaning in my heart. It was as though I heard Jesus speaking to peace - instructing peace to be still. To settle over me. To soothe my heart. "Peace! Be still! Peace! Be still. Peace! Be. still." 

How quickly we forget! A powerful word is dropped into my spirit on Sunday, but by Tuesday I am depending on my own strength again. I was never made to handle these days alone; my strength, like ocean tides, ebbs and flows. I need a Rock.

"From the end of the Earth will I cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." ~ Psalm 61:2

Peace like a river. Peace like a flood. Peace that passes understanding. No change of circumstance required - only my stance. Kneel, arms extended, palms turned upward. Regardless of who I lose or gain in the days to come, my Heavenly Father holds my heart. His hands are the only safe place.

"You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." ~ Isaiah 26:3

I have made it through this day. I am going to lay down my head and sleep. In peace. God is alive, awake, and on guard. Nothing surprises Him - what have I to fear?!

RESCUED BY A LIFE GROUP

It has only been about 2 weeks since I shared about feeling disconnected. How good God is to hear my heart's cry! His answer came in the form of Life Groups; let me explain.

Our precious pastors have felt impressed to start Life Groups within our church. This involves a daily Bible reading, and a bi-weekly meeting to talk about what you're learning. Although this sounds boring to some, it is actually very cool to hear a variety of interpretations based on the same reading! Our group started off with a potluck evening, where kids were welcome to attend; my little guy had a great time!

I am thrilled about this because it accomplishes a number of things for me. First, it inspires me to read my Bible in a dedicated manner. (I confess I have been terrible at this on my own! I started a one-year reading plan almost 3 years ago; I am only a little more than half done!) Second, this group allows me to connect regularly with people outside of my home. It is a way of getting to know people I would otherwise see only once a week or in passing on the highway. Connecting on a regular basis ensures none of us feel alone, and all are encouraged.

I wish I had been introduced to this concept in my younger years! I have placed a number of complaints over cliques in the church community, but I see now that is not entirely accurate. It is my hope that our group becomes tightly knit; that does not mean we will ignore or mistreat other congregation members each Sunday! It simply means we will form safe places for each other, and make sure nobody is left behind.

By the way ... you do not need to be a member of our church to attend the groups. So if any of my local friends are reading this and would like to hang out with a group of crazy people for coffee on a Friday night ... I know a few. ;-)